Sleep

Hum, my sleep schedule is kinda crazy. I have been wide awake for almost 20 hours now lol. I need to sleep. I'm writing a letter to a friend now, and when i'm done, it's going out in the mail. I'm excited about my new cell phone. I'm getting it next thursday, so, a week from now. Sweet... Thats when I get my new cell number as well. So, we'll see who my real friends are, because they will get my new number. Anywho, I really have to finish this letter. Goodbye for now.

I thought I would drop one more post today on my brand new computer :-) It arrivaed at about 2 o'clock. I love it. Its really nice machine. But I seriouslly have to get some rest.
Hasta

I get my new computer today!!!! SWEEEEEEEET. I'll take pictures of it as soon as I can LOL. I've been feeling a little better, and my depression seems to be ebbing away. I dunno, it comes and goes, but its not as bad a s before. I'm watching Samantha Browns Great Hotels show on the Travel Channel. Do you know what a cool job that would be? Getting paid to stay at hotels around the world?? Um, yes please. She's pretty goofy sometimes too, I laugh at her a lot. I have decided to take a daily walk in palmer park. I have been doing it constantly for about a week now and I really like it. I'm not winded at all anymore being outside. I love being outside. My hotel I work at has a coutyard in the center, and at night, I go out and sit and look at the stars, I love it. Well i'm off, ta ta.
~Chris~

I got a new journal yesterday and here is the cover for it. It's from PaperBlanks. It's totally tit. I'm scared to write in it though because it is so nice LOL. I just want to display it, but I'll probably write in it eventually.

All the leaves are brown...

So... I finally sent the e-mail last night, here's hoping. I know he's not know for his speedy replys... so i'll just have to wait. I figured if I don't hear from him for a week... I'll give him a call next friday or saturday.
I drove around last night for about 2 1/2 hours, almost at the end of my drive, I parked in this spot and looked at the city lights for a while before finally finishing my drive. That feeling of helplessness(sp?) crept up on me again and I started crying. I felt really alone, I know I have friends, but at that moment, there wasn't a single person I could call and talk to :-(. I just wish that I hadn't fucked everything up with my friends and that there was still someone I could talk to and would listen to me. There wasn't a time too long ago when I had a lot of people I could of called but... oh well. I kinda wish I lived in a new city and could make new friends, but I dunno, I think I'm afraid to leave Colorado Springs. I'm afraid of change. One of the happier things was that I left a note of my friend Jaime's car. We used to do the craziest shit together at night. I still wish I was in contact with her, but I havn't actually spoke to jaime in quite a few months.
My favoriate place to drive at night is Mountain Shadows, it's a neighboorhood up north towards the Air Force Academy. I like it at night because of the views. It's so pretty up there, I kinda with I had lived there growing up... I would of liked the view. Oh well... I'm rambling so i'm gonig to stop. I'm setting up seeing a therapist through my work, so, that should work out well. But whoever is reading this... Thank you. I feel better now :-).

I'm getting my computer sooner!! Yay! It will be here the 27th.

Therapy

So, i've decided to once again see a therapist. I dunno, I have alot of feelings that I really really need to get out. I slept almost all the way through my first day off lol. That was quite stupid. I woke up at about 10:30 and started watching south park... hum yeah, oh well. I have been writing and re writing this e-mail i'm going to send to a friend tonight. I'm such a dumbass. I'm going over to my sisters later to see her big tv. She got a new tv and she says it huge. i'm out though. peace
Chris

I think i've lost my mind lol. Being serious though, I think I have. Well, bye.

Jury Duty

Jury duty sucks... I had to be at the courthouse at 8:30 this morning. It took for fucking ever to get in, and they didn't even need me. Lame. Oh well, I get paid tomorrow so thats good. I'm going to do some bugeting tomorrow, and probably more when I get my new computer, I love excel. Well, peace out bitches. I might write something later.
~chris~

Mi Madre

So, i'm talking to my mom right now. I really really miss my mom. She is super cool. She kinda smells though...just kidding mom. I love you lots!!!

Sexy Pictures!!

So my friend and Co-worker Nicole have decided that when the weather warms up, were going to go take sexy pictures in Palmer Park. I have not had pictures taken of me in soooo long. Although i'm not a big fan of having my picture taken in the first place. But oh well, this should be fun. Also, I have decided to buy a digital camera and just take shots around the city that appeal to me, and i'll post them on here. Colorado Springs can be a very beautiful city when it wants to.

Headache

So fuck... It's 3:00 in the morning, i'm supposed(sp) to be working, but my head hurts so fucking bad I can't stand it. I've taken more than enough asprin to make it go away but it wont leave. AAHHHHH. Hum... In other news, I found a weblog of a friend and it made me really sad. I havn't talked to him in almost two years. It made me really sad all the shit he has been thgough. I really wish I could of been there for him. I feel like a bad friend now... oh well. There is nothnig I can really do. I'm going to try and stay in touch with him more often though.

Dell

So my new computer is scheduled (sp) to be here on the 31st. man I am soooo excited! It's going to be totally cool. Its a Dell Inspiron E1505 Dual Core. Fucking Sweet lol.

Toxoplasmosis

So yeah, I had to see my doctor yesterday and he says that I have toxoplasmosis... sucky. He says that it has been causing my skin to be flaky and my lymph glands to become infected/swolen a few months ago. The treatment he says is easy though, so thats good. Other then that it was a great day. after I got home I went to sleep and then I went and spent the rest of the day with my friend Chris. gtg back to work though... Peace.
-Chris-

Feelings... I hate them

This feeling of being over whelmed keeps creeping up on me. I was watching the lightning out east last night in Palmer Park, and wow... It hit me like a ton of bricks and I just couldn't stop crying. I dunno. I think about things alot when I drive around at night too. See, when i'm not working, I drive around aimlessly for hours. It's almost like i'm looking for something, and I can never find it... I dunno, that sounds stupid but oh well. I used to drive around with my friend Jaime and that was alot of fun, but now it's just me and it's some what depressing. I want my happy pills back... fucking doctor.

Church

So I told my friend I would go to church with him this morning. Now, being agnostic, i'm a little weary of the whole church thing... but I do like the people at his church, so I don't mind going so much. I dunno... sometimes I feel so fucking depressed I really wish I had some god to pray to.

Paranoid

I hate my meds and what they do to me. Not only to they make me depressed and raise my cholesterol to obsence levels, but they make me really paranoid, and I think thats the worst one. I really hate feeling paranoid.

oh and PS...

In case you haven't guessed i'm gay. Although I have i've been told I could pass for a straight person. I dunno if that's a compliment or not... but anywho... So, i'm at work right now, and a certain someone, we will call him "Mr. O" was supposed to call me today, and he didn't. Actually, of all the days he says he was going to call me, he never did. I ended up calling him. Now, I dunno if hes just bad at calling people back or what. I don't know any of his other friends and I can't ask them. It makes me feel bad though, I feel all...paranoid... I don't like it at all... Oh well it's 2:50 in the morning, i'm getting back to work -Hasta-

First Thoughts...

So, I have decided to keep an Internet Journal due to the fact that I think my head may explode if I don't write down some of the thoughts I feel. I used to be quite dilligent at keeping paper journals and what not, but it seems I would always lose interest. But I figured i'm on the internet quite a bit, so why the hell not try to do this. My name is Chris (obviously) and at the time i'm 19 and I live in Colorado Springs, CO. A little more then a year ago I was diagnoised with a viral infection. For about a month I really didn't know what to think. I felt my world had ended. I've bounced back though quite a bit and find myself I belive to be a better, happier (albeit more cynical) person.